Who Is In Control?

My 9/11 Moment of Truth

From The Word Among Us
By Hallie Riedel

“God has a plan for your life.” I have heard the phrase countless times and never really doubted it. In fact, my husband and I have always loved the Scripture passage from Romans 8:28: “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.”

But as often happens in my spiritual journey, it took the crucible of anxiety and uncertainty to bring this truth to an entirely new and more personal level.

It happened on September 11, 2001. The morning sun shone brightly as I got our three young children ready to go with me to my aerobics class. My husband, John, was already commuting to his new position at the Pentagon. It was a beautiful day, and my heart was light. We had just found out that we were expecting our fourth child, John and I were about a month from our fifth anniversary, and he was thrilled to be back in the Defense Department after a several-year absence. Even my aerobics class was starting a new session. Everything seemed full of the promise of new beginnings.

I was at aerobics when I heard that a plane had crashed into the Pentagon, but I refused to let myself get too alarmed. As the minutes passed, however, my fears started to rise. The class (which used contemporary Christian music) began a song based on the Book of Esther, with the refrain, “For such a time as this you have been created” (Esther 4:14). That started my questions. How could I not think of the baby I was carrying? Had this child really been created for such a time as this? Would he even know his father? How would I cope as a widow with four young children? Even as my fears rose, I clung to the song’s refrain, affirming that God has a plan for our family and a loving purpose for every situation.

Help My Unbelief

When I heard that the twin towers in New York had fallen, I decided to leave the class and return home. On the way home, I recalled one of the other songs: “God Is in Control.” I grappled with my concerns. Was God really in control?

The two hours that followed were like a pressure cooker. I reasoned with God: Why would you have given me a wonderful husband and four small children and then take my husband away from me? Why would I conceive a new baby right before losing John? How can I trust that you have a loving plan for us? Was this just a hollow promise? In my moment of crisis, I prayed, “I believe; help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24). I kept offering my fears to the Lord and interceding for those who had lost loved ones. Despite my anxiety, I began to be filled with peace. To my own surprise, I became more and more convinced that God would take care of my family no matter what happened—including even what I dreaded most.

It was after I had reached this point of acceptance that the phone rang! I jumped to answer and heard the most wonderful sound in the world—John’s voice. He was safe. The plane had hit very close to his office, knocking him to the ground and filling the office with thick smoke. But he had made it out and helped a shaken coworker to escape. It all felt surreal, he said, and he was looking forward to getting home.

Deepening Convictions

I am fortunate that John survived. There are so many who didn’t. And I am grateful for those hours God gave me to grapple with my anxiety before I received the good news. As I wrestled with my “why now?” questions and tried to accept God’s timing, I grew in my conviction that God truly did have a good and loving plan. Even before John called, I became more certain that God can bring good out of even life’s most tragic or challenging moments. And this conviction has sustained me ever since.

In fact, these past seven years have brought us even more opportunities to hold on to the truth that God works for good in all situations. Like any family, we have faced struggles, but I have found that the struggles bring me closer to the Lord and give a deeper meaning to the truths I profess. In fact, I have become grateful for these these “difficult” times because they tend to expose weaknesses in my faith and give me a chance once again to confirm God’s love and presence in my life.

One such time happened two years ago, while the family accompanied John on a one-year work assignment in Chile. It was a beautiful year for us, filled with many blessings, as well as challenging struggles and sometimes painful growth. We were on the other side of the world, away from family and old friends, learning a new language and a new culture.

We had nearly finished our year and were preparing to move back to the United States when I found out I was expecting our fifth child at age forty-two. What a surprise! A new child would be such a blessing for our family, but I had to grapple with my fears about the health risks of being such an “old” mother. The news challenged me to reaffirm my trust in God’s provision. I had to hold on once again to the truth that the blessings God gives—no matter what challenges they may involve—always come with the grace to see them through.

The week we were scheduled to leave the country, however, a new crisis arose: I began to have a miscarriage. Why would a loving God allow this to happen to me—and more importantly, to our baby? Once again I was on my knees grappling with my conflicting emotions and trying to embrace God’s will. And once again, the promise of Romans 8:28 brought affirmation, comfort, and stability.

Keeping the Right Perspective

Not every event in our lives is traumatic or monumental. However, we all face challenges to our faith. We all have moments when our time-worn platitudes are turned on their heads and we need to decide what we really believe about God; where we really stand in relation to him.

Now, whenever we face what seem to be regular reversals or challenges, John and I look at each other and say omnia in bonum—all things for the good! Sometimes that’s enough to help us say “yes’” to the Lord and get us to look at things from the right perspective. And isn’t that really what he wants from all of us as we move through this life?


Hallie Riedel, a contributing writer for The Word Among Us magazine, lives in Adamstown, Maryland